Dear Mum and Dad,

There is no easy way to say this, so I am going to be blunt. I am leaving home.

This decision makes sense for a lot of reasons:

Firstly, financial: the reduces cost of one less person in the house will significantly reduce monthly bills, as you have mentioned a couple of tomes during arguments. You may have said this in the heat of the moment, but in the cold light of day I cannot fault your logic.

Secondly, character compatibility issues: if our shared interests were venn diagrams, there would be very little overlap between the three of us. Obviously, between you two there is quite a bit of overlap, in your taste in books, or lack of it your choice of so called “newspaper”. However, if we take “Mum and Dad” as one venn circle and me as another, there is little in common.

Thirdly, I am extremely practical and independent: most girls of my age would not have the first idea of how to go about forging the necessary paperwork needed in order to set up a ne life without a visible parent or guardian. I have already compiled a folder with colour coded sections covering every eventuality, including: first aid, fake references, emergency numbers including the costguard, housing benefits and carbon monoxide poisoning in poorly ventilated flats.

Fourthly, privacy: mum, there are only so many times that you can “stumble” across my diary. No matter how thoroughly I’ve hidden it. I have had to create a polyalphabetic cipher merely to protect my private thoughts. This is a step I should not have had to go to. Although in some ways I suppose have you to thank for my continuing interest in cryptography.

Fifhtly, something happened to me on my week away at the Duke of Edinburgh scheme. You’ve both remarked that I’ve been behaving differently since I got back. You no doubt blamed it on teenage hormonal imbalance. This is probably part of it, but by no means all. This may sound melodramatic and cryptic, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. I have gone through quite a change and you shouldn’t have to suffer because of it.

In closing, I think that you will agree that I have made a very convincing argument for the benfits we all enjoy when I am no longer living under your roof. I am sure that you will initially feel some emotional stress at this new state of affairs. I trust that you will recognise these feelings of loss for what they are, namely evolutionary baggage that you no longer require.


Your daughter Allison

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