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Update 5

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Update 5
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Allgemeine Informationen
Update Profil
Datum 2. Februar 2011
Quellen BBC - Offizielle Webseite

Christa hat ein Profil von Adam erstellt

Ok Adam, if you insist on being a complete sod, I'm going to profile you.

NAME Adam Jacobs

APPEARANCE Dead eyed. Waxy. If he didn't move you'd think he was one of those bodies they practice on at medical school. And how can he have the gall to criticise my hair? His hairstyle looks like his entire scalp has time travelled from 1974. Or from one of those yellow sun bleached photos in the windows of really old barber's shops. In Poland.

ATTITUDE Cocky gutter-mouthed sex pest. He has all the charm of a genital wart and is so sexist he'd make Gene Hunt feel bashful.

SOCIAL CIRCLE Outcast. I mean he talks about having other friends, but strangely I never see him with anyone but us. I wonder why? Oh, I know. See above.

And he talks about this other group of supernaturals he's met, who strangely he doesn't see anymore. Almost as if he was so damn annoying that they couldn't take it anymore and threw him out, screaming until their ears bled. That's how I picture it anyway.

REASON FOR SUSPICION He's a forty six year old blood addicted monster pretending to be a school boy. No, nothing suspicious to see here. Move along.

OTHER COMMENTS As for the age old antagonism between our two 'groups'. Can I just clarify one thing. I am not part of any 'group'. Not emo, not goth and not anything else. I am in a group of one. Me.

The only other subset that you could argue I am part of is teenage girls. And we traditionally do have a big problem with his group. And by 'his group', I am talking of course, about dirty old men.

I mean seriously, he's forty six! If he looked his age, everyone would assume he was there to pick up his kids, not do double geography. But instead he wanders around school using slang that hasn't been in fashion for at least ten years letching at all the girls. Even if he wasn't at risk of accidentally giving in to his bloodlust and ripping out their throats it would be wrong in so many ways.

I mean the other day he said "Whassup" for God's sake. It's just not right.

And as for the constant talking about sex, I think it's just the old, old story of the hollowest vessels making the most noise. The boy that talks about sex the most is always the one with the least experience. Adam talks about it so much, he must have actually had negative amounts of sex. He's actually overdrawn at the virgin bank. He needs to have loads of sex just to get back to zero. And can I just state here for the record: I am not going to help him. The mere idea of sleeping with him makes me want to seriously self-harm. After seriously harming him.

And before you give me that 'methink the lady doth protest too much' line, or whatever the real quote is, sometimes people are protesting against things simply because they really really dislike the idea. Sometimes it really is that simple. And that would be me in this situation. Seriously. Even getting close to thinking about it makes me want to puke until I throw up my own spine. And then I would take my own spine and strangle Adam with it.

And somehow he'd still read that as me playing hard to get.

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